I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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