Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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