No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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