well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
We smell like vodka and hangover
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