he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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