I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
