guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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