So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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