Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
