I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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