Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
