yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
