she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
