well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
