I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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