I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
