I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
