Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
