Do you still have your period?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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