she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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