I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
