erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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