I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
