guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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