Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
