that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
