I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
