Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
