Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
