drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
