Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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