he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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