sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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