What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
When are your genitals available?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize