Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
