Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
