this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
