Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
