you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
