false alarm. still invincible.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
