She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
