she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
