Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize