Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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