So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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