i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
