Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
