does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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