Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
