Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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