before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize