umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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