I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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