I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize