sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
