I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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