Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
