New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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