I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
