Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
