how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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