Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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