that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
