ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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