So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
operation harelip BJ is a go
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
