just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
