did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
