how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
