Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
