Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
