Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
