I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
