That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
