Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
