i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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