I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize