anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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