I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
