I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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