Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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