How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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