you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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